“Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man”- Leon Trotsky (1879-1940)
News both pleasing and terrifying. My two etymologist friends, Merriam and Webster, informed me I am still middle aged. Barely.
M&W define middle age as "the period of life from about 45 to about 64. At age 64, "about 64" counts. Wikipedia further defines middle age as a "period of rapid decline in fertility, greying of hair, and lessening of opportunities. " I can attest to all three and certainly there are less opportunities for fertility...
Next - old age... The upending news of my old age caused me to assess the stages of life.
Young Adult
In the daze of my youth, anyone older was a Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms. Suddenly, as a young-adult, grown-ups start insisting I address them by their first name. After high school my media teacher, Mr. Fox, suddenly insisted I call him “Stan!” Calling Mr. Fox “Stan” is like calling Jesus "bro."
"OK STAANNNN!" I would shout stretching the word for 5 seconds.
Middle Age.
In middle age, people started calling me "Sir." The teen-age cashier at the hardware store asks, "May I help you sir?" and I turned quickly to see what old man I had butted in front of... Seeing no one I turn back to see the cashier amused. I had become my father.
Old Age
Standing at the doorstep of old age, I find the cashier is now annoyingly a bit patronizing. "May I help you?" "Sir" has been dropped in favor of a slight cock of the head and a worried (pitying) tone.
It gets worse. Like a 5-paragraph theme, old age is sliced into 3 stages.
Young-Old (age 60-69)
You still do things that involve rapid acceleration: skiing (snow and jet), and/or cycling (bicycles and motorcycles). All things where "your mind makes a promise your body can't keep." Trips to the ER proliferate...
Middle-Old (age 70-79)
Basically, this stage involves a lessening of everything.
Old-Old (age 80+)
Having survived, you are now “just old.” Like a toddler, say and do whatever you want - no consequences. Those younger say, "Oh, he is just old." However, patronizing becomes extreme. The cashier tracks you down and offers "Sir, are you lost?" As if talking to a toddler…
The circle of life.
How about you? What stage are you? Share a story.
